The first to every beginning

Everyday I hope for you to know my yearnings. The pain I’ve gone through to who I become today. Sometimes I feel at ease, but most of the time, I just can’t do it. Someday somehow, when this gets to you, I hope you know that I’ve tried to get things close to you. And even if we’re not meant to be, just know I’ve stayed. 

As of today, I still have yet to talk to my parents about everything. I long to hear your voice but all I get is echos in my head. The first to every beginning, begins by me trying to leave you out of sight. Social media deleted. Pictures kept. Just me myself and I. Hoping to be stronger everyday, you’re the only reason that keeps me going from time to time. My heart can’t comprehend the fact that I am in this journey alone with no support. But I know you’re there worried about my capabilities.

Now even though we are not on talking terms, I just hope all these memories collected will make you remind yourself that you are not alone no matter what you do. Because even if I’m far away or out of your mind, I’ve always wished for you to be at your very best. I prayed that maybe if you’re the one, we could come back and recall all the memories, the promises we’ve made from the start. But that, for time to tell. 

11 weeks in today. Minor morning sickness. But the back is starting to ache. So much cravings, but limited time to even think about it. The pregnancy has hit me hard from time to time, and its the only hope I have to keep me feel alive. Juggling day and night jobs, part time school at the same time is not easy. But I know if I’d stayed strong, amazing things will come by. As long as I have faith in what I am doing, I will reach there. And once the day come, thats when I tell myself, you did it. 

So here’s to the first of the beginning. Let’s go.