Category Archives: Uncategorized

I can’t imagine all the things that have happened to me so far. Its incredible that I am in this feat while trying to be strong for myself. Of course not forgetting this life and you. Everyday is a whole new feeling that I never want to forget. I keep on thinking and planning for the future like as if I’m not supposed to. Honestly I have doubts as to whether I can push through alone as I am now. I know the people around me care for me and etc, but morally I feel like they are obligated to do so just to keep up with my feelings. And it sucks because I know, yet I didn’t say anything.

Everyday I want to keep you updated by my progress of self-healing and this entire journey. Even if you’re not here or even if you don’t know, I hope it captivates your heart that I never really went anywhere else because its still you I believe in. The figure you represented in my life is nothing I can ever get, and with all the things we’ve been through, now another fight wouldn’t hurt. I miss you, and I hope you know that I still have faith in you.

I’ve been eating well. Always trying to find every reason to get everything that I craved for. Even if I do not have any appetite, I will make sure I’ll at least snack on something for this life to grow healthily! I have myself guessing on the gender and I know it sounds stupid but I have so many dreams I wanna put in this life. And it brings me all into smiles thinking that all of this will be possible if I keep on trying harder and harder.

Now its only 12 weeks in, and soon it will pass by. I watch the clock running, the time to pass by, I held you close to my heart and I pray. As we recall the days again, I hope you know that I want us to love the best in our lives. I love you; and I miss you.

I just started and this whole new phase is beginning to be an eyesore. The amount of pain I put through myself just to keep my time occupied, you will be surprised. It was super unnecessary. But i ought to try out things I’ve never done before. I used up hours sitting down staring at birds and wondering how life is so free for them. How do they mark their territory? How do they get food? Do they know I actually hate them? Do they have any hatred with human beings? I also found the new time spent at the laundry! Oh boy the feeling when you smell fresh laundry and the hotness after you give them a good dry spin. Really uncalled for but whatever it is to get the day going. Then thats where I’ll be.

I wonder how are you doing out there? I believe time is well spent either sleeping or working. Not that I could ever ask because. You know. But sometimes I hear you talk wherever I go. Asking me not to do this and do that. Oh much misses. I wanna keep up to date. But I keep on blaming myself as to why things are hard between us. I can’t deny, it is my fault. But I can’t do much if all I get is pure ignorance. If I have to stand back and just wish time would pass by faster, time would tell how much time I actually waited for things to get better. Now I hope you know that. Because Thats my only intention.

I came to terms that maybe this might not be the best decision. But I just, still want you. To be a part of this life. The request was simple. But hard to grasp. Having you by my side is all I ever wished for. And having you to witness the day it comes to life, is all I could ever think about. Maybe you might not be able to witness all the other milestones. But for a start, this simple request. I hope you could think through.

Now as for myself. I’m coping. I’m eating. I’m still trying. As we look back, I’m gonna pat myself on the back and tell everyone to their faces that I’ve did it and I can actually do it. So with that, I hope all is well on your side. Until the next life story.

No social medias. No pictures. Nothing left to get myself reminded of you. Healing is a tough process. In the midst of trying to forget all the good and bad times we had, I sometimes wonder. What are you doing over there. I set myself a reminder that I can’t ask, I can only question myself for that. And of course I believe that you’re doing great. You always do. Productively, actively, socially, I guess? It gets even harder as days goes by. Everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of you. But if its the point of me trying to wish for the best of your life, Letting go is the only option.

The eyes of the devil watch me every single day. Living life in fear was not something I ever wished for. This life that is about to grow, I just wish that it will lead nothing but the best life. I don’t know what else to do when I am at lost. I am all alone, wishing for good things to come by. And by that, you know what I mean. Because that wish I had faith, and hope for, is still the same. Maybe you know, or not. Maybe you don’t even care. But frankly I still do. Because this life needs to know anyways.

I hope this week will end off in a well note. I am not hoping for good things to come in an instance. I can only wait. I feel rather hopeless. And honestly change is the worst thing I can ever expect from someone. But I’d really wish for you to comeback, even after everyday. And this will just be a reminder, every single day. I will let you know, that I will be here and That I will always be here. Recalling the days I’ve longed for, I wish you’d knew. Until then.

Everyday I hope for you to know my yearnings. The pain I’ve gone through to who I become today. Sometimes I feel at ease, but most of the time, I just can’t do it. Someday somehow, when this gets to you, I hope you know that I’ve tried to get things close to you. And even if we’re not meant to be, just know I’ve stayed. 

As of today, I still have yet to talk to my parents about everything. I long to hear your voice but all I get is echos in my head. The first to every beginning, begins by me trying to leave you out of sight. Social media deleted. Pictures kept. Just me myself and I. Hoping to be stronger everyday, you’re the only reason that keeps me going from time to time. My heart can’t comprehend the fact that I am in this journey alone with no support. But I know you’re there worried about my capabilities.

Now even though we are not on talking terms, I just hope all these memories collected will make you remind yourself that you are not alone no matter what you do. Because even if I’m far away or out of your mind, I’ve always wished for you to be at your very best. I prayed that maybe if you’re the one, we could come back and recall all the memories, the promises we’ve made from the start. But that, for time to tell. 

11 weeks in today. Minor morning sickness. But the back is starting to ache. So much cravings, but limited time to even think about it. The pregnancy has hit me hard from time to time, and its the only hope I have to keep me feel alive. Juggling day and night jobs, part time school at the same time is not easy. But I know if I’d stayed strong, amazing things will come by. As long as I have faith in what I am doing, I will reach there. And once the day come, thats when I tell myself, you did it. 

So here’s to the first of the beginning. Let’s go.